Thank you everyone who has commented on the previous version in the previous entry! Below is what I submitted to #SonOfAPitch. Can’t wait to see how things progress.

Even though the entry has been submitted, any and all feedback are still welcomed! The querying game is a long one, and any feedback can help out. So please feel free to leave your thoughts below, send me a quick email, or find me on twitter.

Thanks all! -Dr. F

Title: The Collective

Age/Genre: New Adult/Dystopian

Word Count: 84,000

Query

Dear Lovely Human,

Aaron had worked his whole life for this opportunity. He was actually going to become a Central Health Admin, tasked by the Superiors in the Capitol to save their people from disease, catastrophe, and chaos. Little did he know that one of these deadly epidemics would launch him and his family into a deadly political struggle.

The Collective, a 84000 word New Adult novel, is the story of Aaron’s unanticipated foray into a world of deceit and political power. Stuck between the all-powerful Collective and the mysterious Counter Collective Rebellion Force (CCRF), Aaron must find a way to ensure the safety of his family and friends, including his long-thought disappeared father and little brother.

Despite his superior analytical skills, Aaron’s frustrating lack of street smarts leads him down a bumpy path as an unlikely agent for both the Collective and CCRF. Those around him try to steer him in in the right direction, but their motives are never truly known, as all are more than willing to manipulate Aaron for their own objectives.

The Collective is a fast-paced journey through a seemingly ordered world quickly torn to shreds through secrets and the quest for power. Never knowing what is going to happen next or who to trust, readers will enjoy reading how Aaron navigates these twists and turns to keep his friends and family safe.

Thank you for your time and consideration of this query. I hope you enjoy this snapshot of The Collective and hope to discuss it and other writing projects with you in the future.

All the best,

-John

Email: DrFsRandomThoughts@gmail.com

Twitter: @DrFsThoughts

First 250 words

My wrist began to beep and vibrate wildly. Startled, I clumsily jumped up off my cushion. One would think I’d be used to these alarms by now. Why was I always such a jumpy mess? That beeping and vibrating meant my literary escape was over though. I had 15 minutes to get myself back to the Health Administration for the afternoon shift.

I eased open a floorboard underneath my cushion and unscrewed the top of a hollow beam to unveil a hidden mini-library of stories and novels. I liked to think it was one of the biggest in Glendale, maybe in the entire Collective. The Superiors in the Capitol didn’t see a need for novels or any sort of literature. Sure, each region had their unique traditional verbal stories passed down from generation to generation. We also had reference and textbooks used during schooling. But stories for entertainment or discussing new ideas were deemed inappropriate, unnecessary, and thus illegal. I never really understood why they had to be banned. I never saw their harm. All they did was give me a chance to escape from life for a brief moment in time and to explore new unknown places. Everyone could use a little escape from reality. Right? But the Superiors had to have a good reason for it. Who was I to question them?

I closed the hollow beam and started toward the front garden. Jessie was the only one who knew of my solitary acts of literary rebellion. Only Jessie understood the burden of our work.

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